Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Women's Wednesday: Queen of Your Own Life

Today is Wednesday, October 2, 2013.

A friend shared a page on Facebook that spoke to me.  It is called "Queen of Your Own Life," and it's based on the book Queen of Your Own Life: The Grown-up Woman's Guide to Claiming Happiness and Getting the Life You Deserve, by Cindy Ratzlaff and Kathy Kinney.   They have a website you can visit, here.

One of the recent posts on the Facebook page gave a little exercise.  Write a thank-you note to yourself as if you were a friend.  The post asks, "What would you say to uplift, support, and thank yourself?"

I think this is a great exercise.  We are so much kinder to others than we are to ourselves.   It's also hard.  I was going to publish my own letter in this blog, but I discovered that there is within me a very strong taboo about being thought too full of oneself in public.  Would a man feel the same way about publishing a thank-you letter to himself on the web?  Good question.  Ah, well, I wrote it, and I'll keep it private, for now. 

If I were a queen, I would expect to get what I want.  As soon as I typed this, I had another thought, another very big taboo that says, "You can't have what you want."

It's true that life doesn't always give us what we want, but after thinking about it for a bit, I decided that there is a big difference between the statements "You can't have what you want," and "You don't always get what you want."  The first is a statement that limits us.  The second is simply a statement of the facts.

The truth is that you can have what you want, but maybe not 100% of the time, and when you don't get what you want, you generally get what you need, which is a good thing, after all. 

If I were a queen, people would do things to make me happy.    Perhaps a real queen expects people to make her happy, but that's something I have learned not to do.   It's no one's job to make me happy.  However, there is nothing wrong with accepting kind gestures from people and showing my pleasure.  I do know some people - mostly women - who seem to feel that if someone is making them happy, they must not be doing enough for others, as if receiving a gift of kindness is some kind of sin. 

If I were a queen, I would do things that make me happy.   This doesn't have to mean spending a lot of money on myself, although there's no reason why I can't.  I'm single and have no kids, so if I want to buy myself a diamond ring, then by damn, I will.  It doesn't look like anybody else will be buying one for me.  Why should I wait for some guy to buy me something I can get for myself, anyway?  Actually, I did buy myself a beautiful diamond nearly 30 years ago, but not only did I gain weight, I also broke the ring finger on my right hand, and didn't have the joint set properly, so I can't get the ring on anymore.  Time to sell that one, I guess.  Besides, a diamond ring is not at the top of my list anymore.

What makes me happy?  Well, writing makes me happy, and I do that every day.  And traveling makes me happy, and I manage to take some kind of trip two or three times a year.  My friends make me happy, and I correspond with friends every day, even if I don't get to see them in person that often.  Losing weight makes me happy - mainly because I feel better, physically.  Having something to do each day makes me happy, and I've got to the point, now, in my retirement, where I have a little schedule going - something to do each weekday and a couple of Saturdays or Sundays a month.  Not too shabby.

By golly, I guess I am, finally, Queen of My Own Life.  :-)

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