Becoming a Published Author

Today is Friday, August 16, 2013. 

The reason this blog post is coming out so late in the day is that I have spent most of my time today working on a nonfiction children's book for a publisher in Minnesota. This is not exactly the way I had envisioned becoming a published author, but since I taught challenged readers for many years, it's right up my alley.  Writing books for struggling readers is not that exciting, but it's certainly challenging, because there is a limit on the number of words they can use in the whole book.  The limits are forcing me to choose my words very carefully, indeed.  

Someday I hope to have other things published.  A book, for sure, and perhaps also some magazine articles.  This job is giving me a great insight into how the book publishing industry works, and it will look good on my resume, whatever else happens.  I'm excited for this opportunity to get into the world of publishing, and I am already looking forward to doing other projects. 

One thing I have noticed recently is that I have started to follow more of a routine. My calendar these days includes more optional or changeable events than set-in-stone ones, but I end up with several things to do each day.  My routine is a little different each weekday, and I am no longer quite as sedentary as I was a few months ago.  I'm spending a whole lot more time on my health now than I was when I was working, and I'm finding that I don't really want to give that up, even to make money.  I guess that shows how my values are changing.  :-)

A New Insight Into a Past-Life Dream

Detail of Franz Roubaud's panoramic painting
The Siege of Sevastopol (1904)

Today is Thursday, August 15, 2013.

The other day, I was reminded by a comment from a friend on Facebook of a time when I had two past lives that were very close to one another.  I wondered whether I was perhaps running two bodies at about the same time, which is a possibility, although it is not that common.  

I decided to look up the dates of the two time periods.  One was the Crimean War, which was a conflict between the Russian Empire and an alliance of the French Empire, the British Empire, the Ottoman Empire, and the Kingdom of Sardinia over land that had been held by the Ottoman Empire.  It lasted from October 1853 to February 1856.  The other time period was the Meiji Period in the history of Japan, which lasted from September 1868 through July 1912.  The Meiji Era was a time of "modernization" in Japan, when they came out of their 200-year self-imposed isolation (Sakoku) from the rest of the world, so there was a lot of "Westernization" going on. 

Looking at the paintings of the Crimean War online, I was shocked to realize that the scenes depicted were almost exactly like what I saw in a past-life dream.

Walter Library

Fifteen or twenty years ago I had a vivid dream that I still remember as if it happened last night.  I walked into a huge library on the inner planes that reminded me a lot of the old Walter Library on the campus of the University of Minnesota.  There were columns at the entrance to the building, and the entrance had a high ceiling and walls of polished granite.  From the entrance, I went into the main resource room, which I remembered in the dream as having golden yellow walls.  My mind must have mocked up this image from my time at the University of Minnesota as the setting for this dream. 

Main Reference Room at Walter Library

I went into the Reference Room and sat down at a long table.  There were two spirit guides behind me, which I identified as the "senior guide" on my right and the "junior guide" on my left.  At no time did I actually see these beings.  I only sensed their presence, and I could hear them like a "voice-over" in a movie.  As I sat down, a huge, gilt-edged volume was put in front of me.  It was at least two feet high, so I held it up like a large children's storybook.  Inside the book were a lot of pictures, and just like in the Harry Potter movies, you could actually "go inside" the pictures to participate in the scenes.  

I was immediately drawn into a battle scene that looked a lot like the painting at the top of this post.  I found one other painting, possibly done by artist Adolphe Yvon.  Both of these paintings show exactly what I saw once I "entered" the scene in the picture book.  The sky was gray, whether from clouds or the smoke of cannon fire, possibly both.   The ground was littered with bodies, and I could hear moaning and screaming from the mutilated bodies covered in blood and gore.  There was nothing in what I saw that could have proved for sure which war this was, but a seed-thought planted in my mind said, "Crimean."  I also flashed briefly on the opening scene in the Louisa May Alcott's book, Little Women, in which the girls and their mother talk about the father, who is away in the Crimean.  I remembered feeling very familiar with that particular time period, as if I had actually been there.  I had a feeling that I must have been one of the British troops, or possibly from France.

As soon as I entered the picture, I sensed that I was walking through a battlefield in total chaos, and I felt the weight of extreme grief, depression. and guilt.  I had been spared, while my comrades in arms had all been killed, and my first thought was, "Oh, I don't want to do this.  I don't want to be here." 

Immediately, I found myself back outside the picture, once again sitting in the library, and the book was being shut and taken away.  I realized that this had been a scene from a past life, and that I had just been given a chance to deal with the issues in that lifetime, so I said, "Wait!  Open that book! I want to go back in." 

The senior guide was taking away the book, and the junior guide, taking my side, said, "She says she wants to go back in.  Can't we let her?"  

"No," said the senior guide gently, but firmly.  "She can deal with this another time, when she is ready." 

I came out of the dream and wrote it down, then forgot about it.  Every once in a while, I would recall the dream and feel a sense that something had been left incomplete.  I knew I would have to deal with it sooner or later, and that it would probably be an uncomfortable experience.  I could never quite figure out what it was that I was supposed to deal with, though, so I left it as it was, trusting that I would come back to it when I was ready. 

When I saw the image at the top of this blog, I caught my breath, recalling the vivid dream.  I looked for more paintings, and found another one that reminded me strongly of the battlefield in my dream.  I knew I was onto something important.

Since the end of the Crimean War was only a few short years before the start of the Meiji Era in Japan, it was less likely that I was running concurrent bodies, and more likely that there was some unifying thread running through two different lifetimes.  My memory of being a soldier in the Crimean War was of being a young man in his early twenties.  My memory of the Meiji Period was as an older Japanese man, perhaps in his forties or fifties.  I was very tall, and I was proud of my Western-style clothes and my "modern" outlook, which I compared favorably with the more traditional clothing and attitudes of some of my friends.  I wondered why these lifetimes occurred so close together in time.

It occurred to me suddenly that I had been so depressed after my battlefield experience that I must have killed myself.  Those who come back from near-death experience tell us that Souls are not punished or sent to Hell if they commit suicide, but that suicide is definitely some kind of spiritual violation, probably because it represents a rejection of life given to us by the Creator.  The information brought back from those who have traveled to the Inner Worlds beyond the borders of death is that when a Soul commits suicide, that Soul is sent back in to the physical world to begin another human lifetime almost immediately, perhaps after a brief period of spiritual "cleansing" from the previous lifetime.  Everyone who has committed suicide has to live through another life in which he or she must confront the issue of depression.  Some Souls go through several lifetimes of this until they are at some point strong enough to choose life rather than death by their own hand.  It's regarded as a major accomplishment for a Soul to get through this issue. 

I felt that there was a pall of sadness over the lifetime in Japan, and even in my current lifetime, I have experienced this same pall, most commonly expressed as a seriousness.  A number of my friends have told me that I am too serious, that I lack spontaneity and playfulness.  Now I know why.  Just after my divorce in Japan, I was clinically depressed, and although I never sought help for this problem, I was able to work myself through the issue naturally by getting away from Osaka, where I had lived with my husband, and moving to Tokyo to teach English at Berlitz.  (Psychology and psychiatry were not recognized medical fields in Japan at that time, although it seems to be now.  The World Health Organization has said recently that the number of mental health practitioners in Japan is "inadequate.")

Now I understand why I was sent directly from the lifetime where I fought in the Crimean into a lifetime in a country where suicide was romanticized as an "honorable" thing to do, particularly for the samurai class.  It was considered an act of deep friendship to assist in someone's suicide.  For men, suicide was accomplished by seppuku, or hara kiri, which English speakers mispronounce as "hari kari."  This was a ritual disembowelment using a Japanese short sword.  The person committing suicide would kneel on a mat on the ground and disembowel himself, after making a formal apology for whatever he had done wrong.   The assistant, standing behind him and to one side, would take the person's long sword and cut off the person's head, to avoid a prolonged death and further embarrassment.   Women generally committed suicide by stabbing themselves in the neck with a short sword, and even today, brides are still ritually given a sword to take with them by their parents, with instructions to kill themselves if the marriage doesn't work out for some reason.  The dagger, or kaiken, is tucked into the sash, or obi, of the woman's bridal kimono. 

I can't remember much of the lifetime in Japan, but I may have ended up committing suicide in that lifetime, too. The samurai class still existed at the time of the Meiji Era, and was only formally abolished after the Japanese surrender in World War II.  There may or may not have been more lifetimes between the Japanese one and my current lifetime.  I sense that there were, but I don't remember them, and that's probably a good thing, since they most likely ended in suicide.  

In this lifetime, I lived for almost exactly ten years in Japan, and I remember having a definite déjà vu experience while in the old Marunouchi entrance to Tokyo (train) Station, which is directly in front of the Imperial Palace grounds. In the original station building, there was no other entrance except the one now called the "Marunouchi" entrance on the north side of the building.  There is now a newer entrance, called the "Yaesu" entrance.  The original station building was constructed between 1908 and 1914, so it would have been a newer building during my Japanese lifetime.  

My déjà vu experience occurred while I was still married and living in Osaka.  My husband and I traveled to Tokyo, and as we were riding the bullet train (Shinkansen), I told him that I had a picture in my mind's eye of the main hall in Tokyo Station.  I described the rotunda with the huge clock suspended from the dome, and my husband, surprised, asked me if I'd ever seen a photograph of it.  I said no, and he promised to show it to me as soon as we got there. 

When I saw it, I remember being shocked to realize that it looked just like I thought it would.  I didn't know the term déjà vu at that time, and didn't think in terms of past lives, as I was not yet familiar with the idea of reincarnation.

After my divorce, I moved all by myself to Tokyo, where I worked for Berlitz.  My first position with Berlitz in Tokyo was at the Yaesu branch school, a short walk from Tokyo Station.  It seems now that all my experiences in Japan were geared to remind me of that Meiji Era lifetime, so that I could begin the process of emotional healing from the original act of suicide.

 In this lifetime, in Japan, I had the experience of deep depression right after my divorce, a repetition of an experience that had been repeated in previous lifetimes, beginning with the one during the Crimean War.   This time, however, I rejected the notion of suicide.  This has been my lifetime to come to grips with the issue and choose life.  I sense that I am much stronger in this lifetime than in past lives, and that I had a lot of help from Divine Spirit to overcome the depression.  For this, I am grateful.  :-)

Let Your Light Shine

Today is Wednesday, August 14, 2013.

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."  –Marianne Williamson


We are beings of light.  Soul, our true self, is composed of light at such a high vibration that it cannot be seen here in the physical world.  Even our physical DNA is now known to emit light.  

When we "let our light shine," we are living up to our potential as children of God.  How can we accomplish this?   One way is to practice the presence of the Holy Spirit, which is that aspect of God that communicates with us.  When we remain in contact with Holy Spirit, we have a reservoir of energy to draw upon, and we can accomplish much more than we could if we relied only on our own brains or brawn.  

When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, everything we do is done in God's name.  Think about some of the things you have done in the last 24-48 hours.  Was everything you did done in God's name?  Think about something you did in the past that you were not proud of.  Were you thinking about God when you did it?  Probably not.

When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we are more positive, more helpful, more thoughtful of others, and and more apt to do things that are for the highest benefit of the most people. Because of this, we uplift others when we, ourselves, are uplifted by the  Holy Spirit.   When the people around us are uplifted, they feel that they can conquer their worries and fears.  They feel more positive about life, and more energized.  This is a good reason to pray, meditate, or contemplate each day (whichever is your normal practice.)  Through prayer and meditation, we stay in contact.

We all have spiritual potential within us, but because we were given free will, we have to give our permission for it to be developed. As soon as we learn who we truly are, and as soon as we learn to stay in contact with Holy Spirit, our spiritual potential is put into play.  We learn to create our lives from the basic building blocks that God has given us.  We learn the effect our attitude has on our lives.   We learn to go within to ask God for answers.  We are learning to give and receive Divine Love, and we are learning to create our lives consciously. We are learning to make choices that bring love, wisdom and freedom into our lives.  We are also learning to pass along God's love to others, as we go about our daily lives.  :-)

Become a Lake

Today is Tuesday, August 13, 2013.

This story was shared by someone on Facebook, but of course I forgot to write down who shared it.  I doubt that it was his or her own story, though.  It's almost impossible these days to tell who actually wrote a given quote or story.  

In any event, the story goes like this: 

An old spiritual master had one student who had a bad habit of complaining all the time.  The master got tired of the complaining, so one morning, he sent his student to get a bag of salt. 

When the student returned, the master directed him to put a handful of salt in a glass of water, then drink the water.  The student did as he was told.

"How does the water taste?" asked the master.

"Very salty," replied the student.  

The master then asked the student to take another handful of the salt and accompany him to a nearby lake.  The master told the student to throw the salt into the lake then drink from the lake.

"How does this water taste?" asked the master.

"It tastes fresh," replied the student.

"Do you taste the salt?" 

"No," said the young man.

The master and student found a place to sit on the beach.  It was time for the lesson.

"The pain of life is pure salt.  No more, no less.  The amount of pain in our lives remains the same, but the amount we taste depends on the container we put the pain in.  When you are in pain, the only thing you can do is enlarge your sense of things.  Stop being the glass.  Become a lake." 

*** *** *** *** *** 

It's true that when we are stressed, worried, angry, jealous, fearful, or in physical pain, if we focus on it, then it tends to become our world.  This happens to a lot of people who are very ill in the hospital, for example, or when people are grieving the loss of someone.  Their whole world is the pain or emotional suffering that they are feeling, and everything in life is filtered through their pain. 

When we enlarge our world by focusing outward, on other people, our pain seems to subside.  When we fill our lives with people and activities, we give ourselves less and less time to focus on our misery, and we find that the pain is only one of many things in our lives, rather than our whole world. 

If we enlarge our sense of life even further, we realize that there is more to this life than what is physically present.  There is so much going on in the Inner Worlds, only some of which we are aware of while we occupy these physical bodies.  

Finally, if we enlarge our view to include multiple lives here on earth, we realize that what we are experiencing is a drop in the bucket, compared with all of the things we have experienced in our many past lives, plus all the time spent between lives in Heaven.  This lifetime is only a tiny portion of our entire existence as an individual Soul.  When we look at our pain and misery this way, we realize that we have probably faced many experiences that are much worse than the one we are facing now, whether we remember the details or not.  We're here now, so we must have managed to get through our difficulties, somehow.  We are much stronger and more resilient than we think.  

Next step: Become an ocean.  :-)

Cease to Cherish Your Opinions

Image credit:  Octavia Tea Company

Today is Monday, August 12, 2013.

"Do not seek the truth, only cease to cherish your opinions." –Zen Proverb

Here is a story, as told by a blogger named Kaushik.

Nan-in, a Japanese Zen master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea.  He poured his visitor's cup full, then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself.  "It is overfull.  No more will go in!"

"Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"

*** *** ***  

I've been exploring the "middle path" more and more in my life, learning what it truly means to be "neutral," and to keep my mind open to accept the world as it is, without judgment.

Paul Twitchell, the founder of my spiritual path, Eckankar, wrote that we should not be "for or against" anything.  He also quoted the Zen master who advised us to cease to cherish opinions.  When I first read this idea, I thought, "That's dumb.  How can you not be for or against anything?  You mean, I'm not supposed to be against murder or for better public schools?  Are we supposed to just forget about political parties?  Are we to have no moral values at all?
 
Of course, that is not the case, but I had to think hard for a long time to understand what Paul Twitchell was talking about.  I'm still learning, I think.

Of course, it is OK to have opinions.  Everyone does.  The trick is not to cherish our opinions, or to put a lot of importance in our opinions being right.  When we can detach emotionally from our opinions, we are more likely to see things clearly, and we are more likely to be able to change our minds if the situation warrants it.  We are more likely to allow others to hold their own opinions, even if those opinions differ radically from our own.  We are more likely to see "what is" rather than "what ought to be."  Also, when we detach, we can accept the outcome of a situation more easily.  That doesn't mean we have to like the outcome.  Rather, it simply means we have to deal with the situation somehow, rather than complain about it, wish it away, or go into denial.  We can decide what we want to do without feeling that we have been pushed into any particular action.

As long as we realize that our opinions are not necessarily "truth," but rather our interpretation of the truth, as opposed to the interpretations of other people, we can more easily entertain new information, by which we may decide to change our opinion or perhaps strengthen our original opinion.

The problem with opinions is that when they get set in stone, they are very hard to change.  This means that when new information comes along, people either laugh at it or scorn it without really entertaining it.

The worst time for expressing opinions is an election year here in the United States.  Everyone gives their opinions on the issues, believing that if they only explain it carefully enough, everyone else will see the error of their ways and agree with them.   Nothing could be further from the truth.   When was the last time someone got you to change your mind about an election issue?   You probably can't, because you probably have never done it.  No amount of talking by the those on the "other side" will cause me to change my mind.   What I can do, however, is allow others to have their say.  I sometimes try to find some commonality that the other person and I can agree on.  That helps calm everybody down, after which I can leave the discussion as gracefully as possible.  

What if we all ceased to cherish our opinions?  We would be able to have more productive dialogue with others. We would probably be able to accept new scientific findings a bit more easily.  We would be able to remain on friendlier terms with others during an election year.  We would be able to learn new things.  This sounds like a good outcome to me, so I'm working on not cherishing my opinions.  :-)

What's the Difference Between Judgment and Discernment?

Discernment is seeing things from a higher
perspective.  We see things as they truly are,
rather than how we wish they were,
and decide to act in the best interests of
ourselves and others, without the need to
change people and situations  to make them
more agreeable to ourselves.

Today is Sunday, August 11, 2013.

Judgment and discernment sound like the same thing, but they are very different. It's true that both are acts of distinguishing one thing or one person from another, but the underlying worldview that leads to judgment is  completely different from the worldview that leads to discernment.

When we make judgments, the vast majority of the time we are judging other people.  We are actually expressing an opinion about another person, often based not so much on actual facts as on our past experience, what we've been told, our fears, and our need to elevate ourselves compared with others.  There is a power differential in judgment, where we feel superior, or occasionally inferior, to the person we are judging. It's important to realize that neither the superiority nor the inferiority are necessarily supported by the facts.  Judgments are based on fears, insecurities, jealousies, ignorance, and wishful thinking.  Negative judgments are based on our wish to change others t0 be more like ourselves, or to change ourselves to be more like others.  They may also be based on our wish to change a challenging situation to make things more agreeable to us.  Judgment leads to labeling, stereotyping, racism, elitism, segregating, polarizing, dividing, moralizing, complacency and anger.  

When we make judgments, we tend to become more closed-minded, because we make judgments on the basis of our existing beliefs.  If we didn't think our beliefs were correct, then we wouldn't have them.  So we believe our own judgments, forgetting that our beliefs are not always based on reality.  

Regardless of Jesus' injunction against judging others, Christians sometimes distinguish between "proper and improper judgment."  For them, proper judgment means pointing out so-called "false teachings."  Naturally, the false teachings are the understandings of other religions.  Instead of allowing people of other faiths to have their own understandings of God, they feel the need to point out others' "misunderstandings" and change their thinking to agree with Christian doctrine.  (Good luck with that.) 

People who make judgments tend to feel the need to express them to other people.  Often, this ends up being a form of gossip against others.  When we make negative judgments, what we are really doing is categorizing people in order to deal with them more easily, and expressing our dissatisfaction over the way the person seems to be, as well as our desire for them to be more like us.  We condemn people, governments, religions, and ideas that we don't agree with.  This exercise ends up making us miserable, because it sets up an "us against them" mentality.

Judgment is not the same as setting standards, however.  It's perfectly OK to set behavior guidelines for our children and our students and to discipline them when they go out of bounds.  It's necessary to address hurtful behavior and vandalism in our homes, our classrooms, and our communities.   It's also important to set standards in our schools and workplaces for safe methods, and expectations for excellent versus mediocre or unacceptable work.   The world would devolve into chaos if we didn't set some standards.  

What about discernment?  Some spiritual paths prefer to use the Sanskrit term viveka to avoid getting discernment mixed up with judgment.  Discernment has less to do with other people and more to do with ourselves.  We make decisions about what is good for us, and make choices for ourselves based on these decisions.  We may decide that smoking is bad for our health and decide not to engage in it, or to stop doing it. (Notice that with discernment, we don't necessarily force others to quit smoking, as much as we might wish they would. We simply stop the practice, then try to avoid being around people who smoke.)  

Some other examples: We realize that trespassing and destruction of others' property is wrong, so we decide not to do it, even if our friends are doing it.  We may warn our friends, but we cannot force them to stop what they are doing. We may decide to end those friendships, but we extend to them compassion when they have to face the consequences of their actions.

We may decide that someone's behavior is not appropriate. Maybe the person tells crude jokes all the time, or complains about things a lot.  Maybe the person gossips or treats service workers such as waiters with disdain. Maybe we realize that the person always seems to blame others for his misfortunes and we figure that we will probably be next.  We don't necessarily have to say anything to the person; we simply resolve not to spend time with him or her in order to avoid karmic entanglements.  We may decide that someone around us is too negative or too emotionally needy and back away from them for our own good.  Once again, we extend compassion for them, knowing that their actions are based on their own fears and anxieties.

Discernment, then, is deciding what is appropriate or inappropriate for ourselves and acting on these decisions.  Rather than condemning other people, we realize that everyone is doing the best they can according to their current level of consciousness.  We realize that we may have been in that same situation at some earlier point in this life or in past lives, and that the other person will eventually learn that his or her behavior is unacceptable.  It is not necessarily our job to change them or point out their faults, and it is not our place to take away their opportunity to learn the lessons of life for themselves.  We extend compassion for those who are acting out their fears and insecurities.  

Discernment involves a balance between confidence in ourselves and humility, knowing that there are always some people who are better at a certain skill than we are, or who exhibit positive qualities more consistently than we do.  Discernment is about seeing clearly, recognizing what exists without feeling the need to condemn someone or something that isn't the way we think it should be.  We accept the world as it is and choose for ourselves accordingly, without the need to change others or change the situation. We realize that God is All That Is, and it is enough.  All is in Divine order, and everything has been arranged for our growth and betterment as Soul.  :-)

Be a Voice, Not an Echo

Today is Saturday, August 10, 2013.

"Be a voice, not an echo."  -Anonymous

This is another one of those pithy pieces of advice that nobody is claiming as his or her own.  Another one that it has taken me a while to process.

I don't think it's wrong to add our voices to a crowd of other voices in order to make a point.  In that case, being an echo has a positive effect. There is a growing chorus of voices pointing out that the global mean temperature is growing warmer.  Not by a lot, but there is growing evidence that it doesn't have to be by a lot for life-threatening changes to be triggered. 

There's also a chorus of voices insisting that we all need to look more deeply and honestly into racial stereotyping and bigotry based on beliefs about races other than our own.  These voices are telling us that what was once tolerated is now intolerable. 

A growing number of voices are saying that the entire world is headed for economic collapse on a grand scale.  That seemed a little truer in 2008 than it does now, but perhaps we are only experiencing the calm before the storm.

Voices are also being raised about the mass killing of bees due to chemical herbicides and pesticides.  Who will speak for the bees if humans don't?  We have killed them.  It's up to us to save them. 

Another issue about which voices are being raised has to do with the mistreatment, disrespect and genocidal practices against indigenous people, particularly of native peoples in North and South America.  

When is it not OK to be an echo?   I think it's when the message we are echoing is not our own.  For instance, many women echo ideas put out by the fashion and beauty industries.    People regularly echo the talking points of the political party they subscribe to.   Young people echo what their parents say at home.  Mid-level managers echo the "party line" given out by the top brass in a company. 

There's power in being a voice, rather than an echo, expressing an original idea that nobody else has thought of.  There's also power in expressing an idea that is contrary to what most other people are saying.  Not all of us have a chance to do that.  Still, we can always say how we feel, regardless of what anybody else says.  We can describe what we saw, no matter what everybody else says they saw. 

We can express our inner knowing, regardless of whether it has been "proven" by science.  We can hold onto what we believe, no matter how many others insist it is wrong.  

We can decide what we believe, without slavishly depending on the media and TV commercials to tell us what to believe.  We can form our own opinions, rather than always relying on scientists or government authorities to give us answers.   

We can be a voice.  

Sure, we can look at the evidence.  We can listen to other people.  We can listen to what the experts have to say.  But then we have to evaluate what we see and hear, and come up with our own ideas.  When we do this, when we speak our own truth and express what we really believe, then even if we are saying what some others are saying, we can be a voice.   :-)